Sunday, June 22, 2008

Third ring of hell: Party of one

I'm going to do a five minute recap of the last four days. Get Hyped.

Thursday: We went to the National Library of Scotland and saw some oooooold books. Tizzight. I had Dr. Rushing take a photo of me next to an autographed, first edition of Harry Potter. Y'all don't know 'bout me. Then, basically nothing. Actually, there were some other things but it would really just be superfluous and petty to talk about them on the internet. Suffice it to say, Thursday did not make me feel like clicking my heels together. So it goes. I will say however, in the interest of entertainment, that I managed to thoroughly embarrass myself (yet again) at the pub on campus. I went to order my beverage and as I was standing there I noticed the bartender had a rockin' cool belt buckle. So I tell him as much and then I start to feel a little akward and say, "not that I was looking at your... um... jesus...." I mean, seriously. Someone needs to check my diet cokes for drugs. Do people really say things like that to people?! Aparently, I do.

Friday: Jennifer and I headed to Inverness. The train ride was lovely... for about twenty minutes. Then, this family with three of the world's most obnoxious todddlers boarded the train and sat right next to us. Awesome. Screaming, throwing food on the floor, more screaming. Freaking kids! All I could think about was "Babies on spikes! Babies on spikes! Babies taste of chicken!"

 Inverness= tiny. We walked around the city, which is beautiful but took about ten full minutes. We then headed to our hostel (Rock on! We stayed in a hostel! I can check that off my life list now... and thank God because, honestly, hostels smell like feet laced with marijuana.)  We headed back out, adventurous spirit intact, and tried to find some gourmet scottish food (i.e. anything not resembling scottish food.) We landed at Pizza Express ( apparently we also became aliens and rode our space craft on down... geez) and were having a lovely dinner. Lovely, that is, until the third ring of hell opened up and spat the demon babies out AGAIN! I could not even believe it. I know God's punishing me. I'm just not sure which offense he's off on this time... 

We ultimately went back to the hostel at the late, late hour of about 7p.m. Jennifer did NOT fall asleep at 7 (read: did fall asleep at 7) and I read some of my book and fell asleep on top of it for a moment ( there may have been some drooling involved, but I will neither confirm nor deny this charge) and was rudely awakened by little miss Israeli- backpacker who asked what I was doing. I thought about responding: "the cha-cha, what does it look like?" but I refrained due to the off-chance she was packin' heat in that big-ass backpack. So I said, "well I fell asleep reading" and she says, "But you're just napping, right? You ARE going out.." And I just kind of looked at her like, "um... prob'ly not." And she got all hip-jut-huffy and made a hacking sigh sound and left the room just to be sure I understood that she disapproved. Whatever. I showed her! I fell asleep on TOP of my book, listening to Sting and still wearing my jeans! Take that!

Saturday: Woke up at the crack of 7:30. We had a gourmet breakfast of McDonalds and headed out to Loch Ness. We got on a coach where our driver was one of the funniest fellows I've met yet. (Also, the man smelled like a pack of old cigarettes, but as he was funny, I forgave it.) He played a mean air guitar. The boat ride was quite lovely. It was a three-hour tour which made me a little nervous as Gilligan only took a "three-hour tour" and look how he ended up! Jennifer said at least there are no desert islands to get stranded on but with our luck we could have been eaten by Nessie or Worse (trapped in a Castle with the demon babies)! Luckily, though, we made it out alive and managed to see Urquart Castle from afar because as of now a castle is a castle is a castle is a sheep. We didn't see Nessie... wait, you don't know.... Nessie did back flips in the water!!!! We totally got a Monster Circus! Ok, well, when you see the buoy picture and I tell you it's the monster, just go along with it. 

We left a little early (read: three hours early) because Inverness is a little too rustic (read: boring) for our tastes. And I will be darned if we did not look down the train station and see the screaming children again! We were dead-set against getting on a car with them again and luckily managed to avoid the babies on spikes scenario which may ultimately have come to fruition. The ride back was lovely as I finished the book I had begun the day before. I was just hell-bent on knowing the outcome (or I'm just entirely nerdy. Your call.)! We got back and had a lovely evening in the campus pub until "Holla back girl" came on the jukebox and Jennifer had some kind of violent reaction. I understand. Sometimes the music moves you. Any good student of interpretive dance could tell you that. 

Sunday: I did some laundry, which was quite the adventure and to make a long story short, my clothes are dry but crunchy and my underwear is currently residing on any available space in my room. I bet the maids had a little shock this morning! It's ok, though, because I have one pair with scottie dogs so at least they could relate. Afterwards, I walked down the Royal Mile by myself which was less fun that a Ferris Wheel but more fun than sticking pins in your eyes. When I got back, Cait and I thought Arthur and his Seat deserved a chance to redeem themselves and we went for a little hike that led us clear to the other side of the mountain. Suddenly Cait announced that it looked as if it might rain and maybe we should head back. Without missing a beat, the sky opened up and the bottom dropped out. At least we did't have far to walk. Oh, wait. Other side of the mountain. Riiiggghhhht. So, I don't need dry clothes! And, as we were trying to get back, we see a girl running to get out of the rain and she begins dropping things all over the place and is too distracted by the rain (i.e. drunk) to notice. So, Cait runs and gets her things to take to her when she yells, "Hayley!" and I turn to see that she has saved the day(!) by retrieving the girl's fifth of Vodka. I can say one thing for the Scots: They sure know the right way to go for a hike! We once again hit the pub afterwards which was quite enjoyable as we ran into the ever-hilar Rushing-Benders and had a lovely time. Um, that's all.

I'll write about today tomorrow because I have sore fingers now. Or something.

Farewell, my darling ones!! I love you better than a fat kid loves cake! (And I looove cake!)

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